You're my little dorito
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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