billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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