I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
