if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
