Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
