nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're completely useless in the revolution.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize