smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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