I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
