This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
