I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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