Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
