So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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