After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize