Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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