Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dicks are not precious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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