Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
