Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize