Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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