She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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