Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
