chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
