omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
