I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
