she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
