I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
