i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
