is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
