As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
