last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
