im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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