Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
