why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
