I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
