just come out here and I will go home with you...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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