He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
