i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize