I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
