I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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