I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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