You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
