if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
