you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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