the condom got lost in my hair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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