I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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