For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
