So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
