i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
