I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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