That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
