Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
