that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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