uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
