I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
