Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
