Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
