I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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