You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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