my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need moral support for this bender
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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