Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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