Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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