billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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