I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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