She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
