Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
