FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
