he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
