hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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