Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize