New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
