Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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