he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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