I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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