I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to jail i love you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
