my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize