I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
