I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
