I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
