I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
