i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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