...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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