She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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