Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize