Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
