no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
