cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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