Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dicks are not precious.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
