Whod you bang
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
