His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
