I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dick very happy bro
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
