I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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